Is He the One?
I spent years as a college minister, and in that decade of work the one question I helped students through the most had to do with marriage. Specifically I helped girls decide if they should marry the boys they dated throughout college. Sometimes I had very strong opinions, other times I did not know. But I always restrained myself to giving principles and letting the students decide for themselves.
This blog is a summary of my advice.
No decision will determine the course of your life more than who you marry. Your husband will make an indelible impact upon your life, more than anyone else, even your parents. He will affect where you live, how you live and, very probably, how long you live. You will share every one of life’s most significant events with him.
He will also be the biggest influence in the life of your children. He will help determine how they look, how they act, how they are educated and what kind of person they turn out to be.
You are wise to take your time in making this huge decision. I am proud of you for not simply marrying the first person that made you feel good about yourself.
However, I do want to caution you about being overly fearful. Marriage may be difficult but it is not impossible. People have been getting married since the beginning of human history, and most of us have lived to tell about it. Even if you have lived through the pain of watching your parents divorce, you have every reason to believe that you can have a satisfying and long lasting marriage.
I am tempted to ramble on about a thousand characteristics you should look for, but I will focus on one thing: Do you respect him? Do you see him as a man you admire, or is he a boy you find cute?
If you were to become more like him, would you be the person you want to be? Are his goals for life similar to yours? If you follow him, will you be going where you want to go?
I am not arguing for some old-fashioned view of a woman giving up her life to follow her husband’s dream. Rather, I am stating the obvious. The person you invite into every area of your life, who shares your time, your space, your money, your holidays and your children will influence you. He will influence you greatly. Whether you like it or not, you will become more like him.
So do you respect him? If you do, then the other stuff will fade in importance. As long as you agree on your destination, personality differences will only cause you to grow as you walk along the way. You will love the trip because you love him and you love who you become when you are with him.
But, if you do not like the person you become around him, then those differences will only grow. As you change you will resent him for who you become. Ultimately, you will live with a quiet bitterness, and struggle to live two lives under one roof. Or you will divorce. Either way you will regret your decision.
I will pray you make a decision you will not regret.